The happenings at this moment

I can't believe it has been almost year since I have posted anything. A lot has happened, but at the same time things are still the same. Still working towards a career in Genealogy, still teaching, still single (which I am fine with but sometimes I say what the hell men, but I am still fine with it) and still love my life. But I do have to admit I have been in a kind of a funk these last two months which means it is time to grow again. Things are not panning out as I have hoped in certain situations, such as dating or career wise. I am learning a lot about myself through these things. The last two and a half years everything had gone right to the point I was blissfully happy. I am still pretty happy, but not blissfully happy. It is funny to see how you react to disappointments and frustrations. What I am learning from these experiences is how one of the main purposes in life is to not let it get you down and bitter. It is tricky at times to be honest, but you have to teach yourself to look at all the good in life. It is true there can be bad in life, but there really is just as much good in the world. It is so easy to allow that bitterness set inside your mind and heart at times, but if you allow it to settle you miss out on so much. I am also learning on being more open to experiences. I always thought I was an open person, but discovering I have so much more to learn and explore in life. These last two years I have explored my religious side which I have found so much joy in learning in that aspect and I am continuing to find joy in it, but I have learned that is part of me not the whole me. It is a very big part of me, but I have other parts of me I need to show. And lastly I have learned about me is how much I use my sarcasm to make me feel comfortable in situations. I love being sarcastic, but I am beginning to realize maybe I shouldn't use it all the time. I need to allow myself to be seen as more than that. I am a nice girl who can be girly and sweet, but I am very protective of me because I do feel deeply at times. I do love hard as I have said before and after that one dude I don't like people to see that part. So I am doing a lot of changing again and a lot of self discovery that I am liking. Growth is so much a part of life and it is important to push yourself to live life as your best self as well as being a sarcastic bitch once and a while. So that is is what new with me so far.

Reasons I know I have the best life ever and here is why

Wow, my life is pretty awesome. I have had 4 years straight of great happiness. Not going to lie there have been a lot of sad, hard moments, last July was a hard one, but all and all I have been really happy. People might say why are you so happy? You are still single, have no prospects in sight for marriage, you have had a lot of bad dates to the point that you don't want to date anymore, and you are still pretty poor, so what makes you happy? Yes, I still don't have a relationship that I do want one day or money to go travel and do things that I dream of, but still I am happy, no lie. I am now going to list what and why I think I have been so happy and for me this is all I need.
1. I have a great family. Yes I am the black sheep of my famdamily, but you know even though they say things that bother me or treat me like I am that silly crazy 16 year old still (which I haven't been in a long time), I still love them and appreciate them. We are all so different, some of us share the same beliefs, some don't. Some of us have things in common, some don't, but all and all we still love and respect each other for that. That is what a family does.
2. I can laugh at myself. We all know I can make a huge idiot out of myself without even trying. We have termed this, "Pulling an Amy". For reasons unknown, I say and do things that are silly, embarrassing, and well, sometimes very misunderstood. I know I can be just plain seen as an odd person at times. I am so grateful I am because it has taught me to not take life so seriously. I enjoying laughing at myself.
3. I know and have a relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ.This I feel is one of the major keys to my happiness. I not only know of them, but I have a great relationship with them. I feel them in my heart and their hands in my life. I know without them I wouldn't be where I am today. Their love for me, their grace, and their faith in me is so priceless. I still don't know what it is they see in me and I hope to one day discover what it is they see. I feel knowing of their love for me and knowing they have a plan for me has truly made my life beautiful. If I can only convey or let anyone feel what I am feeling I would so you can understand what it is like. Words are never truly enough to express this love I feel for them and their love I know they have for me. It truly is life changing. The only way you can is by opening that door like I did.
4. I have hope in life and try to see the beauty in it. Even though life has not turned out the way I imagined as a little girl, (I didn't become a lawyer or I am not a mother yet), I still see that my life is of value. A lot of woman my age get sad that they are not married yet and feel of lesser value or something is wrong with them. I have had those thoughts briefly once, but I have pushed through those thought and realize that is not true. The Lord doesn't want me to settle with just anyone just to be married. He wants me to be with someone who is going to love me, treat me well, and work with me to become what He wants us to become. I truly rather be alone and have a great life (I know if I don't get married my life is still going to be great. It will just be different than most people), than me being married to just be married. That is not going to bring me happiness. I have hope that whatever happens in life I will be happy and I am of value.
5. The last thing I feel is one of the reasons I am happy is my love for the temple and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I love these things so much. I feel this church is the complete truth of what God is, our purpose in life, and how to return to Him. I feel all church's are true, but this is the complete truth. How do I know it is you ask? Because when I do the things this church asks I feel the greatest joy and peace. There was a time in my life when I didn't do what it asked and I was sad and very depressed and not stable. Then I choose to give this church a chance and my life changed for the better. I am a happier person, more confident, and more at peace than I have ever been before. Plus since I started making going to the temple once or twice a week a priority in my life it has changed me and brought me closer to God. It helps me see the bigger picture. I truly have such a great love for it and wished everyone could feel what I feel so they could understand why these things mean so much to me.

So these are just the few major reasons why I am still a very happy person. I read a quote the other day that said, "Life isn't about trying to find yourself. Life is about creating yourself." George Bernard Shaw said that. I find that to be so true. That is what I feel God wants us to do, create ourselves to prepare us for what He has prepared for us in the next life. We choose how we choose to react to things, where we want to go and do, and the Lord guides us to great things.   Life is beautiful.

What is new with me

So another busy month and its going to keep on getting busier. First the big news, I am going to be a temple worker at the Jordan River Temple starting next month. I am super excited about this and completely humbled by this. I didn't even ask to be one, but inspiration came to some people and I will be working there twice a week starting next month. Crazy that 4 years ago I wasn't going to church or even be considered worthy to go in the temple, but these last two years my testimony and love for the temple has gotten stronger and deeper. Making an effort to go once or twice a week has truly change my life. Now I get to be there two days a week for 7 hours!!! What a blessed life I have. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the complete truth I feel. By doing my best to live it I feel most whole and true happiness in my life. Also I am training to start running 5K's It is coming along slowly, but at least it is coming along. I really am making this a goal for me to continue getting healthier and stronger. So that is a quick update on me. Life is amazing and great.

Last few months busy but fantastical

I have had a pretty busy holiday season. Last month I went to see my sister's who lives in Twin Falls Idaho for Thanksgiving. It was nice. She doesn't live too far from the temple there so the first thing I did was walk to it. It took an hour there and an hour back. It was fantabulous, (a word I have been saying as well as the word fantastical). Two days later I did a session. The temple is still my heart and I love it. Also I have been doing a lot of things in my singles ward. I am becoming so attached to this ward and it is going to be hard when I leave. Plus I have been enjoying living by myself since my mom moved into the condo already, but I am looking forward to joining her once our place sales. Anyways I love my ward. Right now I am compassionate service leader. I basically am the morale committee of the relief society, which I love because I want the girls to know their worth as daughters of our Hevenly Father. I was also in the ward talent show where I lip sang to Dancing Queen in a costume. At the part of the song when they sing "anybody could be that guy" I started pulling Ken Barbie dolls that I borrowed from my niece out of a bag. I will try to put video of it on here. It was pretty lame but awesome at the same time. For one of the activities in our ward we went to look at the lights at temple square at the Salt Lake Temple. I had the best time with this group. We had a twirling contest under the lights of some pink trees. I got second place to the awesome guy of the group. Then we went to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building where I dared him to waltz around the Christmas tree for a gift card, which he did. I have loved that I am in a place where I don't care what others think and just be silly. I am living life more than ever and I just love it. Christmas was great as well. It was hard because it was the first without my aunt Nancy. I cant believe it has been 5 months since she so sadly took her own life, but I know she is going to be alright. My sister made a beautiful slide show about her that celebrates her life perfectly and she gave us all a copy of it. I love Christmas, being with family and celebrating the beginning of Christ's mission on earth. I love my Savior and I am humbled every day by His love and all He does for me. Looking forward to New Year's and to 2012 where I know good things are in store for me. My life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it to but I believe it is better. So many changes coming like moving, turning 30, career and much more. I am looking forward to see where I go next.

Oregon Trip

After a long wonderful, but also sad summer I decided to take a trip. My sis in law talks about Oregon a lot so I decided with the extra money I made this summer and I just went. I am trying to just live a little if possible and not be too stingy with money, but not to go too crazy anyways so I went for 4 days last week. I had the best time going non stop. First thing we did was go to the Portland temple. As I have said before I love temples. As I sat outside it the songs I know My Redeemer Lives and The Spirit Of God were in my head. I testify I know the truth to these songs when I am inside or outside of the temple I feel the words these songs express deep in my heart. Then we drove to the coast where we did 5 hikes in 2 days. I love hiking and being in nature. We did two waterfalls, ocean top hikes and a few lighthouses. Plus in the mornings at 6 am we walked around the beach for two hours. So pleasant to be up when the sun is coming up and walking by the ocean in the fog. I loved Oregon so much that I am really looking into moving there. I love all the outdoor things you can do and the crazy wonderful beach people. I really do love all the different kinds of people there are in this world. No matter what their beliefs are or how they choose to live their life they all deserve to be loved because the Lord loves them. Everyone has a purpose in this life and a value. I love people's quirks. Life would be boring without them. I am a quirky person and that is why I think I love quirky people. I respect life no matter how you live it differently from me, I respect that power and gift of free will and choice. No one is not invaluable even horrible unpleasant people. I believe in showing them with love and compassion not matter if they hate me. Hopefully one day their hearts will be softened and they realize how amazing life is. Anyways the trip to Oregon and the people I met made me reflect on that a lot. I am also not perfect in that because I do admit I can be critical sometimes especially with people within my own faith. That is one of the things I am working on. I am harder on them than I am of people in other religions and lifestyles. Anyways, so in love with Oregon and going back soon to do more hiking and exploring.
Other news I have been dating. I am enjoying this. I have not enjoyed dating in quite sometime so enjoying having fun and just being silly. I am a silly person but don't expose that often but with my aunt's sad and tragic death I have really just pushing myself out of my shell and embracing my quirkiness more than ever. I have always loved who I am but have not opened up myself to others, but that is changing. I know I am a fun, silly, loving, and a great gal and it is time people saw me for me. No more fear of not understanding me. If they like me great if not that is ok too. As long as I am kind to people and loving that is all that matters. I have a lot of love to give.
So goals this month are live to the fullest, love as much as I can and be the best person possible and just have fun. I love my life and am just so happy in it.

my new fave thing to do beside genealogy

So lately I have been making playlists. I believe that you can set your life to music to certain times of your life. I love music!!! So I started off with a period when I was in love with Andy. It starts off amazing then gets sadder, to being pissed, and finally how it works out that I am glad to have experienced it. The song First Time Ever I Saw Your Face was playing in the car when, after 2 years of on and off dating, i realized I loved Andy and that song helped me realize that. It helped me make sense of all those silly emotions I was having. I am a girl who doesnt fall in love easily, but when I do I love hard. I realize now how silly and dumb I was at expressing that love and am embarrassed at some things, but I was young and in love for the first time. I didnt know what I was doing. Very funny and sad at the same time. At least I know I wont make the same mistakes again. Still I have only loved once. Anyways I have also done songs that helped my spirituality grow. It started off with the basics then how it grew by the spirit and the hardships i faced to get me to where I am now. The happiness i have and grateful to have finally gotten to a beautiful place that keeps getting more beautiful and wonderful. That is because I know my Savior better now and am committed to serving Him the best I can. Now I am working on my childhood one. So the list playing now on my blog is my first love about Andy. I hope you enjoy it. What else is new with me is I am dating again. Scary i know and I have met a lot of jerks sadly. I have had guys call me fat, say I should feel lucky they are attracted to me, or i dont date girls who dont take care of their bodies. Honestly I feel maybe I should stop again because I have too much respect and love for myself to go through this crap. I mean I have it all, I am smart, funny, have a beautiful face, i am doing my best to live the gospel everyday plus growing in it everyday, I go to the temple often, I would make a great mother, I am amazing kisser (i have been told), I am pretty dang sexy (again I have been told), and I am just a plain fun good woman. The only thing is I am a chunk (not enough to call fat or chunky, a chunk), which I have lost a lot already, but it takes time men. Good grief I dont deserve all this. Getting my heartbroken by probably the love of my life and him choosing someone else was cruddy enough. Oh well at least I loved. I am not going to stop i just have to deal with the jerks to find the one who deserves all this!! ( I hope people understand that I am not conceded, just confident. Also they caught on to my sarcasm. I really do think I am a great gal, but I know I have a lot of work to do to keep changing and growing to what I am suppose to be. I am not perfect at all, but do my best to be my best self. I am not better than anyone. I just wanted to add that note.) Other than that I am still happy and still trying to get over my aunt's death, but I am more at peace about it than before. Also celebrated my birthday by taking a spontaneous trip to Wendover. I was in Tooele at a star gazing party and my Aunt's wife said hey do you want to go to Wendover? I said sure why not and went. It was silly fun and I did gamble for the first time which I dont get how people do that all day. I was pretty bored after a while. I only gambled $20. It was a great cultural experience and who knows if I would ever do it again. At least I tried it right? Life is still going very well.

July, a rough month and tired of mormons getting a bad wrap, but oh well

Well July was a rough month for my family. We lost my dear aunt Nancy in tragic circumstances early in the month. It was kind of unexpected. As sad as it is losing her I know that she is with her parents, my grandma and grandpa and where she is experiencing a great love and understanding that she really needs. We were all there when she passed and that room was filled with love and peace. That is what is so amazing about the power of the Savior to give comfort to a family in a truly horrible situation. I am grateful for that. I don't know what I would do without it. That love and peace is so valuable to me and I am so glad to know it. What a blessing.
So as you read from the title I am a little frustrated, not mad, but sad. I recently was channel surfing and stopped on a local religious station where there was a 30 minute show all about how bad the Mormons are and how wrong they are. So I don't care that they don't share the same beliefs and I respect their beliefs, but seriously why don't you use those 30 minutes to talk about your beliefs instead of bashing another? I don't get it. I love other religions and respect their beliefs. We actually share similar beliefs if you really look at it. Also people think we are a hating religion, but that is not true. Yes there are some Mormons who say stupid things and are judgemental, but that is in other religions as well. For example people think we hate gay people. That is not true. I have an aunt who is gay and I love her. I also love her wife and their child. I don't hate them or not associate with them, in fact I am close to them. It is sad when some LDS people shun their family members who are gay. I know that our Father in Heaven loves them just as much as He loves me. I know He would be saddened by treating them badly. I do not fully understand why the Lord has said what He has about it, but I cant deny the other truths about the Gospel that I have prayed and fasted and received confirmation that it is true. One day maybe I will understand. Also it bothers me people say that President Monson is a hateful man. The prophet would be the first person to give anyone, drug addict, prostitute, or just an ordinary man a hug and say they are loved by him and the Lord. Finally I am also tired of the LDS people who say hateful things. They make us other Mormons who are doing their best to love everyone, respect and not judging them a bad wrap. I just wish they really worked better at understanding the Gospel deeper instead of living the cultural way. There is a difference. Oh well I must love the judgemental people as well. That is all I can do right? My flaw is I can be judgemental to judgemental people. Something I am working on!
This next month I hope to be a better one. I am turning one year older and going to Oregon, so that is exciting. Even though July has been a sad month for me, I am still pretty happy. The Lord has given me the strength to get through and continues to do so. I will always be grateful for this. I have a great family and a great life. What more can a girl ask for or need?