So lately I have been making playlists. I believe that you can set your life to music to certain times of your life. I love music!!! So I started off with a period when I was in love with Andy. It starts off amazing then gets sadder, to being pissed, and finally how it works out that I am glad to have experienced it. The song First Time Ever I Saw Your Face was playing in the car when, after 2 years of on and off dating, i realized I loved Andy and that song helped me realize that. It helped me make sense of all those silly emotions I was having. I am a girl who doesnt fall in love easily, but when I do I love hard. I realize now how silly and dumb I was at expressing that love and am embarrassed at some things, but I was young and in love for the first time. I didnt know what I was doing. Very funny and sad at the same time. At least I know I wont make the same mistakes again. Still I have only loved once. Anyways I have also done songs that helped my spirituality grow. It started off with the basics then how it grew by the spirit and the hardships i faced to get me to where I am now. The happiness i have and grateful to have finally gotten to a beautiful place that keeps getting more beautiful and wonderful. That is because I know my Savior better now and am committed to serving Him the best I can. Now I am working on my childhood one. So the list playing now on my blog is my first love about Andy. I hope you enjoy it. What else is new with me is I am dating again. Scary i know and I have met a lot of jerks sadly. I have had guys call me fat, say I should feel lucky they are attracted to me, or i dont date girls who dont take care of their bodies. Honestly I feel maybe I should stop again because I have too much respect and love for myself to go through this crap. I mean I have it all, I am smart, funny, have a beautiful face, i am doing my best to live the gospel everyday plus growing in it everyday, I go to the temple often, I would make a great mother, I am amazing kisser (i have been told), I am pretty dang sexy (again I have been told), and I am just a plain fun good woman. The only thing is I am a chunk (not enough to call fat or chunky, a chunk), which I have lost a lot already, but it takes time men. Good grief I dont deserve all this. Getting my heartbroken by probably the love of my life and him choosing someone else was cruddy enough. Oh well at least I loved. I am not going to stop i just have to deal with the jerks to find the one who deserves all this!! ( I hope people understand that I am not conceded, just confident. Also they caught on to my sarcasm. I really do think I am a great gal, but I know I have a lot of work to do to keep changing and growing to what I am suppose to be. I am not perfect at all, but do my best to be my best self. I am not better than anyone. I just wanted to add that note.) Other than that I am still happy and still trying to get over my aunt's death, but I am more at peace about it than before. Also celebrated my birthday by taking a spontaneous trip to Wendover. I was in Tooele at a star gazing party and my Aunt's wife said hey do you want to go to Wendover? I said sure why not and went. It was silly fun and I did gamble for the first time which I dont get how people do that all day. I was pretty bored after a while. I only gambled $20. It was a great cultural experience and who knows if I would ever do it again. At least I tried it right? Life is still going very well.
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