Camping

So i went camping during my birthday. I love camping and i wish i did it more often. I love going up into the mountains, fresh air, all the trees, animals and I love the night sky. You forget about all the stars here in the city. One thing I loved was getting up before sunrise and hiked up to the lake. I enjoyed watching the suns light touching the tip of the mountains and then spreading all over the mountain giving it this great light. I I can relate that to Heavenly Fathers and Jesus Christ's love for us. We are this mountain craving light and we stand there firmly and strong he slowly shines on us. The firmer in place we are the more light we receive. Sometimes the light is cover with clouds of darkness, but if we again hold strong and firm the light will find us again. I hope this makes sense. In my head it does, but we all have times where we don't understand what goes on in this unique brain of mine. Mostly staying firm in the gospel gives you light. I know this to be true from my own experiences. The more we hold strong the more light we can feel. It is going to rain and be dark with mistakes, but I promise the light will return if you work hard at staying strong.
Camping can be a fun and dirty and wonderful experience to be enjoyed with yourself and family, but it is also amazing to see all to the glory in God and this world. We can learn a lot about life, the gospel, and grow spiritually by taking the time to watch and ponder at all it can teach us. Let us all try and live in the light. I promise you will find joy as I have.

My love for the Temple

So I know not so long ago I wrote about how I have changed by going to the Temple, but this week I realize how much I love the Temple. Monday I went to a YSA home evening where they talked about the symbolism of the outside of the Temple. I loved this even though for a few minutes I got a little sad and stupid for a silly reason about a stupid boy getting married there (not too happy with myself that i felt that way,but oh well), but snapped out of it to really look at the Temple. I loved learning more about all the details that this temple has. How it ties in with the Gospel. My heart and spirit was soaking it up and wanting to learn more. Yesterday I was driving to Jordan River Temple for my one of my twice a week sessions. There was a huge overcast in the sky and a tiny bit of light shone through. The only places in the valley the light touched was Oquirrah Mountain Temple and the Jordan River Temple. I thought how true that in darkness the Temple is where we can go for light we so desperately need sometimes. I am not in darkness anymore, but still appreciate that I can still feel that peace no matter what. That even though right now I am living in this light and I can feel it so much more ten fold. I also know when I am going to have more hard time that I can receive peace and comfort more than outside the temple. I didn't go once last week and I felt the difference that week. It wasn't like I was in despair but I felt like I didn't do something that makes me whole. Going to the Temple makes me feel whole and I am so grateful everyday that I made the changes I need to make and committed myself as much as I have because I have never felt so much joy. Looking forward to going a few times with my wonderful family and hopefully one day with the awesome man I am going to marry that is taking his sweet time to enter my life, but I am looking forward to when I can be sealed to him whoever he may be. So I will tone it down with the Temple talk because I know I talk about it a lot, but I truly do find joy because of it and I am all about spreading the joy!! I know this is why I am happier than ever. I am grateful for the opportunities I have to serve my Savior and I push myself to learn more and become stronger. I want to serve him well and do his work the best I can. I love my great life of love and service I get to have!!!

Things I am Grateful for

These last few months I have never been happier in my life. Ever since receiving my endowments I see life in a whole new way. I find joy in things so small. A few years ago I could never do that. I have a blessed life. I wanted to list some the things I have been grateful for.I cant list all because that is too much.

1.Being born in a family who had the Gospel. Though I didn't truly commit myself until recently, but I have had the complete truth from the beginning of my life. I was taught about my savior and knew of him. That has meant a lot to me even when I wasn't doing everything I was suppose to do.

2. My family. We are a good little family who are close and love one another. We love and accept each other for who we are. That is such an important thing.

3. Having the physical needs. I have a house, job, food, and a body. I truly have been blessed there at having these things. The house may not be a mansion, but i have a roof over my head. My job may not pay much, but it is a rewarding one and I feel I am pretty good at it. My body I haven't taken the best care of, but i am changing that. It is a gift and I want to take better care of this gift.As sore as I get I know that this is going to better in the long run.

4. That I made better choices now. I am glad to have had some of my darkest times in my life. It made me appreciate the light I am living in now. I had to have those dark days, make some of the bad choices to experience and soak up the joy I am having now. Doesn't mean i am never going to mess up again because I will, but not as drastic as before. I am grateful I am worthy to go to the Temple and never going to take that for granted. I know I am going to have more hardships, but I look at them as things I need to learn. It is not fun going through them, but the end I see why and am grateful to have learned that lesson.

5. I am grateful that I love. I love my family. I love my friends. I love children. I have loved so much already in this life. I am glad, even when I was heartbroken, that I can see that gift I have had to experience all these kinds of love. Love is such a wonderfully great thing that can easily be turned into bitterness. I hope I can always remember this.

I have a great life and it took me sadly a long time to realize this, but i do now. That is all that matters. I know that my Heavenly Father's love and faith in me has changed my life for the better. I am not the same person I was and I love that I wake up feeling his love for me. I wake up appreciating everything more and wanting to serve him well as much as possible. He has done more for me than I sometimes feel that I deserve, but I try everyday to make up for my wrongdoings from my past. I look forward to the future in serving him and living this great life he has given me the best I can. I am truly grateful to be alive.

Touched in the Heart by The Choir

So today I watched a show that comes from England. It is called The Choir and is about this young man who has a love for choir music. He wants to take a school in England that has no choir, train them, and enter them into the Choir Olympics in China. I am amazed at how the self esteem of children has gotten so bad. That these kids felt like no one believed in them and how that affects how they see themselves and how they live life. I watched how this one man who has had a pretty great life, been introduced to a lot of beautiful things in life and has a pretty busy life took the time to help these kids accomplish something they never thought possible. Just by believing in them changed their lives. They may not be the best singers ever or have a career in music, but he taught them the importance of believing in yourself and setting goals for yourself. That if you work hard and try your best, that you really can do anything. To have a good work ethic, team work, and believing in yourself, you can pretty much find joy even in the disappointments. I think we as a society don't help our children understand that and the importance of that value to have. That it is true in some things you do need to give up after a while, but not after you do everything that is possible to obtain it. So many people devalue their worth in life and give up. This breaks my heart. I know that if you have one person who truly believes in you, just one, that makes a difference in a child's life. I feel that this is so important and feel like I need to do something, but I don't know what I can do? Life is hard, but somehow we have lost teaching children how to deal with the up and downs. A lot of them feel entitled and don't want to work hard because what is the point. We need to fix this or we will have so many unhappy people in the future. Maybe I sound arrogant or not really aware of the world, but i am very passionate about this and feel I need to do something. I know I believe in me because my Heavenly Father does and through him and his support I can accomplish my desires and his will for me. I want to let others know this as well but also I want people who don't have the same beliefs as I do to feel that great feeling of believing in themselves. Everyone deserves to feel their worth in this life if they believe in Jesus Christ or not. They still need to know their worth in this life. Everyone has great potential no matter where you come from. It is up to us to help children to know this, but it is also up to them realize that and work at it. Even if we get a few that learn this then it has been worth it. I feel like I need to be part of something to help children or teenagers realize this, but what I need to do I know not at this moment. Anyone has ideas let me know. I hope I figure this out soon and try to help these kids who do not believe in themselves. They deserve so much more than some are given. So there are my thoughts of the day!!!

I love teaching Primary!!

So today I got to see two of my primary children get baptized. They are only two out of 7 i have seen and every time I get teary eyed. I am so proud and so happy for them! How great a job I have to help these wonderful little beings prepare for such a wonderful gift. These kids know more about the Gospel than I did at their age. They crave it and know it. I am truly impressed every time I teach. I started my life long career in Primary three years ago and I know I am going to be a lifer. I don't mind because I feel this is where I can serve the Lord better. I love going to church and sitting in that Primary room and feeling the pure spirit there. A child's faith and eagerness to learn the Gospel should be examples to us all. I know that I am child like and being as such has allowed me to grow in so many ways that it is wonderful and scary at the same time. Even times it can be annoying because I feel like I cant relate to others well, but I rather be able to learn the Gospel better and a little faster than having friends and a ton of boyfriends. I am happy to teach and I am learning more than I think my class is learning every time I teach. I am looking forward to learning and teaching the children. I know this brings me so much joy!! Primary is where it is at. (watch now I have said this i am going to be called into Young Womens, the calling that I fear most. I dont know if I could handle teenagers, but I will go where the Lord needs me. I hope he really wants me to stay in Primary!:)

What i learned today by watching a movie

This week for me has had a mixtures of emotions inside of me. I have felt angry, sad, heartbroken, numb, love, disappointment and lastly peace. It hasnt been all too pleasant i must say, but then today i watched a movie called How to Make An American Quilt. It may not be the best movie ever made, but after this week I needed this movie. It talks about different kinds of love and life choices. It is a reflections of these older women lives about choices and disappointments about love and acceptance of life. They loved spouses, children, friends, and family. Some stories they didnt end up with the one they loved and other ones did. The people we love may hurt us or disappoint us, but if we truly love then we forgive them. It made me see that love really is a gift. To love and be loved by family, friends, etc. really is something not to neglect or take for granted. There are times we get disappointed or things are not what they seem, but to remember that gift of love can so easily be looked over by all the bad feelings. I realize what I gift I had to love another human being for so long. To love the good and the bad of that person really was such a great thing. The relationship wasnt great at times it was miserable and messed up or not what i wanted it to be, but I loved someone and learned a lot from that love. I get so mad at the result of it or get lost in the disappointment that I lose sight of the greatness of loving someone even if it didnt work out. Although I probably would never know for sure, but I feel that he loved me once a long time ago and that he still cares for me. So I have been loved in my opinion, just not as I much as i loved him. I also realized the other love i have felt. I have felt my families love. Even though they dont get me or understand me or sometimes I feel i dont matter to them, i know they have loved me. Another love is from friends. I do tend to push people away, but having people check on me this week even though they may think it silly i was upset, they supported me. It meant a lot to know people cared. Another thing kind of love I am still working on is the love for myself. I love who I am most of the time, but somethings about me like, I guess you could say I am dramatic at times, but I call it someone who feels deeply. It can be annoying at times. Also I have been told I am unique and at times i love that, but it can be very lonely. I realize i should look at that as a gift. I may not have a lot of friends or people may not understand me, but I get to feel things in a way most do not and that is something not to hate, but to enjoy. It may mean i may break easily and that is what i need to work on, but I need to accept that things are not always going to work out the way i want. Lastly I have felt God's love for me. That has changed me in more ways than I expected. To feel His love for me has made me be able to get through things without feeling bitter for too long. It helps me accept things I probably may not understand, to do things I would not see myself doing. So I have had many gifts of different kinds of loves. I know there are people out there who dont get as much love as me and I hope i never take it for granted. Also we chose how we can see disappointments and heartbreaks. It sucks at times and it is hard. It may come back and hit me again, but I have a choice to dwell in the sadness or bitterness of it or to look at the beauty of it. I think I am going to choose the beauty of it, but i do have to feel that bitterness to see that beauty. I just choose not to dwell in it. I have such a love filled life and I am grateful for that gift to love and to love well even though things dont end the way i wanted it. So that is what I learned from an early '90s movie today.

poem

So today my first love got married and it has been a rough week even though i thought i had mourned already, but i guess i had a little in me still. i wanted to write this last poem as the final feelings of it all. i dont know if it is good, but it is how i felt. enjoy!!

Today You Married Someone Else
Today you knelt across the alter
with the mirrors of eternity behind both of you.
You became sealed to be together forever.
I always thought that would be me,
looking at you with love and devotion across the alter,
while being sealed together and begin the great adventurous journey.
It would have been wonderful I feel.
Now
I am sad today for me,
I lost the person who I felt was it,
the one, the person who was enough
for me,
flaws and all.
I loved the whole you.
Today I also am happy
for you, the man i have loved.
You are with the one you feel
is it, the one, the person
who is enough for you.
You are happy.
I am happy for you
to begin your life with your love.
I feel at peace that what is done is done.
A peace i thought never would come.
I hope she loves you as much or more
than I did.
That she realizes how special you are
the way you are.
I hope she brings out the man you were meant to be
the incredible man you are capable of being.
I hope she loves the whole you, the good
the bad, the light, and the dark.
I love you and my heart is joyful for you
this day even though this day pushed out
the tiny jagged edged hope for us out
of my heart.
I love you so much that your happiness means
more to me than my own.
I am happy that I got to love you,
know this kind of love.
To know what it feels like that
someones happiness brings me happiness
even though I am not that one
to have been enough for you.
I go forth knowing that I have
grown so much better from
just loving you.
Be joyful , my first love,
on this day you married someone else.