Look how fat I was.

Mom found this old photo of us in Navoo I think three or four years ago. It looks like my head has shrunk. You never realize how big you are until you lose the weight and see old pictures. In this picture I was a size 26 and now I am almost an 18!!! Crazy. Also I found another job. It is at the Jewish Community Center. It is drop in care only and it is only part time, but I am glad to have at least some income coming in. The only scary part is no benefits. The Lord told me to take the first job offered to me and things will be okay and new opportunities are in store for me. I am very excited. Thank you Annie for the info on that. Anyways again look how fat I was!!! Crazy!!!! Shrunken head woman.

I got my CDA

I just called to see why it was taking me so long to get my CDA and they said that I passed! It is in the mail now. I am so excited because I worked hard on that and now I have it. It is good for five years and I then I have to renew it. So one reason I got laid off is because I didn't have it. The CDA people told me they sent it last week. Anyways I got an interview Wednesday at the JCC. Also I have gotten so many calls from parents supporting me and are upset. Most of them now are going to pull out. I feel bad for the teachers though. They are the best and work so hard. I am sorry they have to go through all this stress. Anyways thank you all who support me. I am so excited I passed, though I had no doubt because it was easy.

So I got laid off!!!

As some of you know that I got laid off today. They say that we are struggling and because of my education and performance they chose me to lay off. The thing is I have never been told or written up for my performance. I got my 3% raise, which is the highest you can get at your yearly review, also which I never really got a review because my boss never scheaduled one. My education, well I just finished my CDA. I took the test and I am awaiting the results. I know I passed because it was easy. They paid for me to get it because Accreditation people want more educated people with degrees. So just because it hasn't gone through they chose me. They have just hired four new people last month who do not have the education I do or the experience, but they still chose me. This is what I believe the real reason I was laid off. Last week my director and I had a communication problem. We have had a problem communicating on this issue for the last few weeks. She kept walking away from me. So I got a little loud last Friday out of frustration. I did apologize to her and said we need to find a way to communicate better. She also talked about me to a coworker and said I was driving her crazy. We finally solved the problem, but not with her. My coworkers Jennifer, Whitney, and I figured it out. This is not the only time I have had a problem. I have always talked to her about things and have been respectful too. So I wrote a letter to her boss telling her we are having problems and I feel that the director has been doing inappropriate things at work, for example, she took off her bra and swung it around her head in the front office where people could walk in and see her. She always walks away from problems and other people solve it. I wrote a email saying that I would like some solutions because I am running out. Well her boss wrote me back and said that she will schedule a meeting with me. So that meeting was set today at 3:00. They came and got me at 10:30. Her boss was on the phone and told me that they had to let me go. I said why do I have to be laid off when all I did was say we had a problem that needed to be solved? They said that me getting laid off has nothing to do with it. I think this is crap. I have been there for four and a half years. I work hard, I go above and beyond all the time, I care for my families and the children, and I care for my coworkers. This is why I finally said something and this is what I get. I am upset. I am a great teacher who got let go because I stood up to help make things better. My families are pissed though. I went back to get my stuff because I didn't want to go in tomorrow, which was suppose to be my last day, and I ran into parents. They are not understanding what is going on. They don't get why it was me that had to go. They are not understanding out of all the new hires that would be the more likely candidates were not let go. I cant say anything to them what is really going on because I will lose my pay they are giving to me until the day after Christmas. I have been called by parents tonight who are mad and they say they are going to put a fight for me to get back. I got hugs by people I didn't think I would have given me and they told me that I have meant so much to their families. They are pissed off and apparently they have been yelling at admin and asking what is really going on because what they are saying is crap and they know it. My parents are smart and know when there is more to a story. They have all offered letters of reference and babysitting jobs. I am touched that they care and are upset. I love my families and they are one of the reasons I am so sad about me leaving. The thing that gets me is when I called to tell them I was getting my stuff tonight, the director told me that she has had a bad day and when I bumped into her outside she said that it was nothing personal. Whatever, she had a bad day!!! I am so mad and sad. This was not right, but what can I do. I know the Lord will help me and yes I probably made a mistake to email my regional manager, but I love that center so much and wanted it to be the quality it once was. I feel I didn't do anything wrong, but it cost me my job that I loved. I have faith that other things will come, but I am sad this had to end. I really loved my job.

Dating really does just suck

I really hate dating. Just when I think I am ready to date again men just remind me how dumb and jerky they are. It is getting to the point where I just want to give up. I mean I loved someone for a long time, even though he turned out to not deserve it, but at least I got to experience it right? I got to experience loving someone so much that I was willing to give up my life here and move to another country for him. I loved him so much that all that mattered was that he was happy and safe. Not very many people open their hearts that much and experience that. Even though Andy hurt me big time and treated me poorly in the end, but I am grateful to know I am capable of loving in that way. I am just tired of men just being mean because I am not some dumb skinny blond. I know I am a pretty girl and I am smart, which might make some men intimidated of me. I just really don't want to do it anymore. I mean I accept a person no matter what they look like because I don't care. As long as they are a good person who is good to me. That is all that matters to me, but no, they think they deserve a model. I am trying not to turn into a bitter girl, but the more I try to date the more I become bitter towards men. I just don't want to go through what I did last time. The whole Andy thing crushed me and I went a little weird for a while. I don't ever want to feel that devastated again. I mean it still hurts some days and some days I miss Andy, but mostly I am fine and don't care because I know he didn't care for me the way I did him and he treated me like I was not worth his time. So I want to give up. I am a great girl who doesn't deserve to be treated like I am nothing, but I do want to date too. I just am tired of the jerks. I know my older sister went through the jerks for years, but she handles it better than me. I am just tired of putting myself out there and be treated like I am not worth getting to know because I am overweight. I know I am hot, so good grief men, get over yourselves. Sorry had to vent. I will get over it. I am just a little frustrated at the moment. I will be fine. I know I will find someone, but the whole process sucks. My husband better be worth this wait big time. Just kidding.