A few can make a big difference

Wednesday was the night planned for going to the temple to do Baptisms with Young Single Adults. This is something I feel is important to get them to gain a strong testimony of the temple. I was sitting there waiting and waiting for people to show up. Finally one of our leaders showed up and then the other leader showed up with his daughter and her boyfriend. He told us one other person was coming. Leader number 1 I will call him, started saying that maybe we should not go. That he didn't feel comfortable going with so little people. I said I feel that we should go still. That even though there were few of us we would most likely do 10 baptisms and 5 confirmations. That is 15 people each that we could help. The other leader, number 2, said that I would hate for us not to go, but we didn't have any family names and though the temple said they would have names for us, but he felt like we shouldn't go because we should of had the names. I then felt to say that it is wrong not to go. That we took this appointment from another group who could of gone, said we would be there, and they prepared names for us and to then not show up after all that is not good at all. I kept pushing, nicely, for 20 minutes that we should just go and do what we could. Finally the leaders agreed and we went off to the Bountiful Temple, my fave! While doing the confirmations the workers came in. The other girl and I had done 10 confirmations each by this time and the men were doing theirs, 10 each. The temple workers said that since we were the last group that we had to do some evening out. So he gave me and the other girl 15 more names each for confirmations and we did 5 baptisms each. The men got about 10 more confirmations each and did 20 baptisms each. That is 190 people who's work got done that night with 4 men and two women!!! It goes to show you that a few can do a lot of the Lord's work and make a difference. When we got back to our cars leader number 2 said to me, "thank you for helping us make the right choice by pushing us to go. It was the right thing to do." The thing is it is not me, but the Lord working through me. Although He didn't give me the words to say or give me strong impressions to push, but He has allowed me feel the power of the temple, has allowed my heart to be touched so by the Temple and to know how important the temple is. I know I have said it before and I will say it again, I love the temple!!!! I love serving the Lord there and doing the work. I have never felt so much joy until the day I received my endowments and for most of these 7 months have gone mostly twice a week or on some busy weeks just once. I have only missed 3 weeks at not going at all. I am not saying look how great I am because I am not. I am a very flawed human being, but I am grateful that I am worthy to go to the house of the Lord and serve him. I am simply saying that I know that if you go often you will feel this joy that I didn't know was possible. You can make a difference in those spirits lives who did not receive this great gift themselves in this life. They are waiting so patiently for us to do it. Anyways although I am a little sad that not many showed up and I have a lot of work to do, plus I was a little irritated I had to convince my leaders to go, but we did go and we made a difference that night. I am just going to have to fast and pray to figure out what I can do to help the ones who are living now on earth to gain a strong testimony of the temple as much as I have. I know it is mostly up to them, but I feel a little push couldn't hurt, right? I just want people as happy as I am. As President Uchtdorf has said, " You don't have to be perfect to go to the temple, but the temple can perfect you." I love that and know I feel like I do a little bit better in life and work a little harder to be better in life because of the temple. It has calmed me down as my family has constantly pointed out to me. It has given me confidence, happiness, love and so much more. I love who I am becoming because of the temple in my life. The Amy before was ok, but who I am becoming is who I have always meant to be. I thank my Lord and Savior for helping become who I am now. I couldn't be this happy and doing His work as much as I am doing without His hand in my life. The Lord can to that for you too if you just let Him in and allow Him to help guide your life and push you to reach your full potential. I know I am far from my full potential, a great distance away, but I am looking forward to see what happens in my life to help me get there. Also I know it is not always going to be pleasant and it is not always going to be easy, but I know whatever happens is necessary for me to get where the Lord needs me to be and that is what I always need to remember. It is easy now to remember since my life is going great, but when it gets hard I need to remember this.

I am Rich!!!

In institute on Wednesday we came across a scripture that spoke to me. It is in the Book of Mormon 2 Nephi chapter 9 verse 50 "Come, my brethren, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters; and he that hath no money, come buy and eat; yea, come buy wine and milk without money and with out price." Then in verse 51 it says, "wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken: and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness." ( i put my fave words in bold) I love this scripture. It is so true that the Gospel of Christ is sweet like wine (well i have never tasted wine, but i have heard it is sweet) and rich like milk. It is offered to us all, poor, middle class or rich. Young or old, anyone may drink of this wonderful love, forgiveness, joy, and beautiful light it brings to your life. You just have to accept it. I am so grateful to have been born into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and not have to go far looking for this joy. I just had to be ready to accept it fully and yes it did take me a long time to fully accept it, but I did and I have never been happier. I had to go through this journey to get to the point when my heart was ready and willing to accept this great gift. I am glad I finally made that choice to drink. I didn't know how thirsty I was until 2 years ago and I had only drank a little until then. I am always going to be thirsty to drink more, but I am going to drink up as much as I can and do the best I can. I don't feel the Lord asks much of us, in fact I feel he has given us some pretty reasonable expectations. Also I am grateful that I have never been materialistic. I am grateful that I have had comfort more than most and some may think I am poor, but I am rich with the Gospel in my life. I need nothing more than that. If one day the Lord asks me to give what I have up to serve him, I gladly will because again it is all I need in this life. I am gaining this great love for the Book of Mormon in this class. I have always believed that they are words from God, but I am gaining a knowledge for myself that they are the words of God. I am looking forward to learning more throughout the rest of my life of this amazing gift and guide our Savior has given us. I am not the best at scripture study because I take things too literal, but that is something I am working through to truly understand what the words teach, but I do know that they are important words and words of love. This my goal to do my best to study every night and that is something I am working on too is to make it a nightly thing. I love the scriptures, but I have to make my day fit around studying them not study them if I remember or hurry. I need to truly study it. So I am rich!! Some may not see it that way, but I feel that way, so that is all that matters.

Dating

I know a few weeks ago I said I didn't want to date, but something has happened that changed that. I got hit on by a cute guy in my institute class. At first I didn't realize he was until after he walked away. It has been a while since I have noticed that stuff because I was so focused on that gut feeling that Andy was going to be my husband that i stopped paying attention. Anyways the guy was very cute, but he was young. Although nothing may come from it, but I hope something does because I want to enjoy dating again, it made me realize I am mostly scared to go through what Andy put me through. I don't want to feel not good enough ever again. Andy made me feel that way by pulling me in than pushing me away. Saying he thinks about marrying me to then say he only saw me as a friend. By saying he loved me but for reasons I would never know it couldn't be. Or saying he works to forget about me and could stare at me all day and never get bored. He confused me a lot. Anyways, people say Andy was a user or a jerk, but I choose to see that he just didn't know what he wanted. I could feel that way because maybe I'm afraid to see that he was a jerk in fear of realizing what a loser I have been to have wasted so much time and love on him. There is not a doubt that I loved Andy a lot, but that love made me lose myself and I tried so hard to prove I was good enough. He is not totally to blame for this. Just only half to blame. I wasn't living the best way at the time and I acted needy a lot and wasn't myself really, so that didn't help with the situation. I am not too proud of that, but I am now back to me. I am happier, confident, more spiritual, more in tune, and more physically active in working out everyday. Andy made me feel insecure about myself. I want to believe he loved me, I mean I feel strongly he did, but I will never know and now it really doesn't matter. I hope he is happy in his marriage. That is all i want for him even after how he treated me. I want him to have the life he wants and I hope that makes him happy. Even if he was a "jerk" as people say. Anyways I know I am a great catch and I need to show that. I am smart, funny, devoted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints more than i have ever been (I love the gospel), I am unique, and so much more. Plus I am losing more weight and I am hotter than I have ever been. I was hot when I was chunkier, but getting even hotter. I know it is impossible to imagine because I have always been hot stuff, but it is true i am getting hotter! Anyways I am not going to be scared of having another Andy relationship again. If the guys I date don't realize how great I am that is their loss and I will drop them fast. I am not going to make the mistake to hold on to a guy who doesn't deserve me or appreciate me like he should. Andy never did but I think Andy married a great girl. Well I am guessing because I never met her and he never talked much about her when we went out eight months ago, but he did date me, so we know he has good taste. So no more fear and just going to have fun and enjoy dating again!! Yeah me!

My Brain and wish for it

I really dislike that I am socially awkward. I have this great brain that sees the world in a different way. I think strange thoughts and it is a wonderful thing, but what good are these great thoughts when I cant express them eloquently? It is very annoying that I can not express myself in words at all and sound "special" when speaking. In my head I sound brilliant, but when it comes out of my mouth, not so much. It is very hard when I have so much I want to give and do, but I cant express my feelings about it without being misunderstood. Why could I not have been blessed with that great skill to sound smart like I know I am. So I was thinking what I could do to improve this flaw I have and cant think of what would work. So either I live with it or figure out how to speak eloquently. For example I am basically a missionary with the Young Single Adult group and even though there are days I dont want to go door to door, I do it because it is the Lords work. After I do it, like yesterday, I feel great and see the need for what I am doing. The problem is that how am I suppose to help the young singles if I cant express to them in ways they can relate? Luckily I have an 18 year old boy who is getting ready for a mission who is my partner to help, but he is leaving in a few months. I need to work on this I know, but how? So here is my plan 1: have confidence, I mean I am pretty confident mostly, but not with social things. I am confident of who I am, but not when showing who I am to others, so need to work on that. 2: practice thinking before talking. There is nothing worse than thinking about a social situation after it happens and realize all the things that came out didnt come out the way you wanted. That happens alot to me. 3: lastly pray for help. I know the Lord will help me with something I want to improve. He will help me grow and make my flaws a little better. One thing that will help is my new positive attitude in life. I get frustrated, but I know I can work on it and that is great to work on being better at things you find you lack in. I fully will be the first to admit I lack in social skills. So me, my great brain, and my mouth are all going to work together on improving Amy to be better and less socially awkward. I know I will never fully not be socially awkward, but being a little less is better, right?

My love for Russia and the former Soviet countries

I know I have just recently posted something, but I had to share this. Today during the conference break I watched a program about the Ukrainian Temple. The first two minutes I was teary eyed. I love that part of the world. My love for the people comes from a place that I do not know where it came from or understand yet. I feel that I am a part of them or going to be a part of them one day. They have such wonderfully strong testimonies and such simple faith that I feel is lost at times here in Utah. These people have been through so much and continue to go through so much, but yet they have this amazing compassion, faith, and love that is inspiring. They understand hard work and sacrifice that a lot of us can not comprehend, but they are so strong and faithful. I am so happy for these people to finally have a working temple in their midst. I know they will not take it for granted. The work that is going on there is so important and they get that. My heart is touched by the love these people have for the Lord and His work. It took 12 years until they got the temple, but they were determined to make it happen. I can't wait until the day I finally get over there. I really want to live there and work with those people in serving the Lord. I can't wait until I finally can afford to visit there and be where I feel I am meant to be. I can't wait until I can go to that temple and do a session there. I hope I will be around when the Lord feels Russia is ready for a temple. I want to be there, if that happens, when it is dedicated. These people's love, dedication, and faith should be examples to us all. I know I get made fun of for my passion for these people, but know that I do have a deep love for them and again looking forward to going there eventually.

My happy life without dating or loving someone

I am just amazed at how happy I have been. 6 months straight and going strong. I remember last year at this time Andy told me he was getting married and how devastated I was. Now I am happy and so in love with my life. I haven't seen or talked to Andy since we went out in February for his birthday. As nice as that night was and it was nice for closure too, but it was dumb for me to do it since he was engaged. Anyways, now it is nice to see how much happier I am without having him in my life. I will always have a special place for him in my heart, but I realize that he is happy and that is all that matters. Now that I am over him and yet I still don't want to date. I just have no desire to get out there and deal with all that crap. I am just enjoying being with friends/family, going to the temple twice a week, reading my scriptures, learning from the scriptures, my job, and so much more. I am excited to keep growing and improving myself that I don't really want to bring in the stress of dating and relationships. Maybe that is wrong, but I feel that is right for me at this time. I just want to enjoy and explore this new life of happiness I have. To try new things and just live a life that I don't take for granted anymore. I am not perfect and I have so much to learn and so much growing to do, but this journey I am on is the path I want to be on because it is the path the Lord wants me on. He really does know what is best for me and it does bring joy into life. I know this to be true because I am experiencing it now. Joy is my feeling in life and my new fave word. It truly is a word that describes my life now. Trying to do your best to live the gospel fully really does change your life for the better. I have such a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know it is true without a doubt. Now onward I go learning and serving my Lord and growing finally to who I am and need to be. Life is awesome!!! and without dating!!!! (can i say joy anymore in one paragraph without sounding annoying? eh, oh well I am just expressing my feelings, so if you are annoyed shame on you for being annoyed with my joy!! but also sorry too!!!)