Dating

I know a few weeks ago I said I didn't want to date, but something has happened that changed that. I got hit on by a cute guy in my institute class. At first I didn't realize he was until after he walked away. It has been a while since I have noticed that stuff because I was so focused on that gut feeling that Andy was going to be my husband that i stopped paying attention. Anyways the guy was very cute, but he was young. Although nothing may come from it, but I hope something does because I want to enjoy dating again, it made me realize I am mostly scared to go through what Andy put me through. I don't want to feel not good enough ever again. Andy made me feel that way by pulling me in than pushing me away. Saying he thinks about marrying me to then say he only saw me as a friend. By saying he loved me but for reasons I would never know it couldn't be. Or saying he works to forget about me and could stare at me all day and never get bored. He confused me a lot. Anyways, people say Andy was a user or a jerk, but I choose to see that he just didn't know what he wanted. I could feel that way because maybe I'm afraid to see that he was a jerk in fear of realizing what a loser I have been to have wasted so much time and love on him. There is not a doubt that I loved Andy a lot, but that love made me lose myself and I tried so hard to prove I was good enough. He is not totally to blame for this. Just only half to blame. I wasn't living the best way at the time and I acted needy a lot and wasn't myself really, so that didn't help with the situation. I am not too proud of that, but I am now back to me. I am happier, confident, more spiritual, more in tune, and more physically active in working out everyday. Andy made me feel insecure about myself. I want to believe he loved me, I mean I feel strongly he did, but I will never know and now it really doesn't matter. I hope he is happy in his marriage. That is all i want for him even after how he treated me. I want him to have the life he wants and I hope that makes him happy. Even if he was a "jerk" as people say. Anyways I know I am a great catch and I need to show that. I am smart, funny, devoted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints more than i have ever been (I love the gospel), I am unique, and so much more. Plus I am losing more weight and I am hotter than I have ever been. I was hot when I was chunkier, but getting even hotter. I know it is impossible to imagine because I have always been hot stuff, but it is true i am getting hotter! Anyways I am not going to be scared of having another Andy relationship again. If the guys I date don't realize how great I am that is their loss and I will drop them fast. I am not going to make the mistake to hold on to a guy who doesn't deserve me or appreciate me like he should. Andy never did but I think Andy married a great girl. Well I am guessing because I never met her and he never talked much about her when we went out eight months ago, but he did date me, so we know he has good taste. So no more fear and just going to have fun and enjoy dating again!! Yeah me!